Lately, my mind has been full of questions and I don’t know any answers. Every time I smell the coffee or drink one I think of him. I can honestly say that I drink coffee constantly just to feel closer to him, and, with every sip, I’m closer to a heart attack. Is it possible that my feelings for him are still very much alive after all these years? If they really are, will they ever fade away, so I’ll be able to move on? I can’t find comfort in a thought that we’re looking at the same stars and are breathing the same air. That is too abstract. A long time ago I made a decision to go on without him. At that time, I was too young to understand that there are many ways to distract a young girl. You can learn and develop just fine if you are not single. I listened to those who knew me from the day one. They guided me and cared for me. My parents did everything they could to get a better future for me and my sister. They worked day and night to make sure we went to college and have secure future. For that, I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life. The last thing I want is to disappoint them.
“I can honestly say that I drink coffee constantly just to feel closer to him, and, with every sip, I’m closer to a heart attack.”
The older I am the more I think about what is best for me. If I was living the best way possible, I’d be happy to wake up in the morning. Instead of that, I’m scared to fall asleep because morning comes too soon and I’m not ready for a new day. Not that I blame anyone for the way my life has turned out so far. At the end, I made the final decision which way I’d proceed. Now, I’m not sure that I want to follow this road in future anymore. The way I felt during that lunch break was amazing. It was just the way I imagined it would be, a genuine deja vu.
“The way I felt during that lunch break was amazing.”
My boyfriend can see that I have been distant lately. He has become jealous of everyone I’m in touch with. No matter how deep I hide my dilemma he knows me too well to overlook my mood. If I leave him I’ll hurt him, but he’s been already suffering. So there is no happy ending. The old saying goes that one should follow his heart. My heart is loud and clear. I need a change. It’s time for me to be honest. Maybe that’s not the worst thing.