I had to get some fresh air. The stress at work was getting me, and today it was such a nice day that I just couldn’t stay inside for lunch. I felt anxious and so I grabbed a sandwich and started eating while I was walking. When I came to the cafe shop I saw him having his cup of coffee. I couldn’t move on and felt the urge to be close to him, so I sat down at the corner table. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but when I saw him, something in me changed. I tried to imagine his face many times before and I felt as the memory was fading away and I couldn’t picture his eyes as clearly as I used to. But there was one look I would never forget. That happened when we were high school sweethearts. We were outside the school and I was sitting in his lap and when I looked up at his eyes I saw myself in them. His beautiful eyes were shining and I felt incredibly happy. A lot of things has changed since then but I am still searching for something that could remind me of him. And today, he was there.
To be honest, I felt like I disappointed everyone I love just by looking at him from the distance. He was like forbidden fruit to me. I tried to please everyone but I was still disappointed and empty inside. I cried myself to sleep many times because I felt trapped in this routine where everyone else knew me better than I did. And it’s true. I don’t know what makes me happy. I don’t know what the purpose of my life is. The hardest thing for me is to say NO. I’d rather do everyone a favor than to explain why I wouldn’t do it. Simple NO takes much more energy from me than to finish the whole task. I am sure that people who are close to me want what is best for me. If I look back to the last ten years, I can’t believe how quickly they have passed. I have successfully finished my studies and got a job. My boyfriend is an OK guy, he is smart and has great friends, but he’s that kind of a guy who likes to spend summer holidays camping in the same spot every year with his friends. Last year I spent just a weekend with them instead of the two whole weeks. For me, that is not the ideal way to spend the only time off work. Our relationship is more a monotonous one than passionate.
To be honest, I felt like I disappointed everyone I love just by looking at him from the distance.
I must have been really deep in daydreaming because a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts. He was standing in front of me and suddenly I felt my heart racing and the heat reached my cheeks instantly. Not to mention my mind, it was a pool full of floating orchids. Everything in vivid colors, like I was tripping on some LSD or something. He noticed how openly I was staring at him, without any spoken word. However, he is a man of good manners and I am grateful to him that he didn’t make fun of my eagle eye.
Not to mention my mind, it was a pool full of floating orchids.